we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
