I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How external is "for external use only"?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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