last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
