Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Quick, to the slutcave!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
