then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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