Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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