Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize