i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug