I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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