Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.