hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
