I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
