I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
