Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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