well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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