i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
