I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
