How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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