So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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