I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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