I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
