Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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