First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just forgot I was standing up.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
