Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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