In the future we'll all be gay
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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