I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
