I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
