STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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