Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
