i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
