oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
