I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
