For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
