That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
