Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
