My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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