My underwear smells like fireworks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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