i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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