bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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