"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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