Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
