bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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