You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
