i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
