im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
