i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
