Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You brought string cheese to the strip club
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
