You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
