I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
