Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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