When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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