never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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