wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize