I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
