No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
