Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize