i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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