What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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