Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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