You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
