HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
