don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
