I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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