So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
