i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
